That needs to be MLB’s newest best seller T-Shirt. Instead of Boston’s infamous must-have ‘Yankees ****’ shirt.. every baseball fan now needs a t-shirt that reads:

The Off Season S#&%@

Players may not agree with me, but no matter what team you represent, I think we’re all in agreement that November – March, is a little BI#%&.

I was browsing through my movie store’s sports section the other day for a documentary on the Sox that I haven’t seen yet. I found two movies that I haven’t seen – and now refuse to ever watch. The first one had Boston fans on the cover. I thought it was a keeper.. that is until I read the year it covered.

2003.

As if that wasn’t bad enough – another title caught my eye:

Game 6.

Oh **** no. I thought it was for another team, because no human being would ever willingly produce a movie depicting one of the most horrific plays in Red Sox history. Right? Wrong. Robert Downy Jr. and the Buckner game? Am I in the horror section? Clearly, I was. Who in God’s name would want to watch movies covering the 2003 Sox season or the day of Game 6? Am I alone here? That’s like Disney movie producers expecting kids to want to watch movies where Cinderella dies of Chlamydia and Bambi gets shot and stuffed at the end. If anyone has an interest in a movie about the Red Sox, it’s Red Sox fans. So why pick Armageddon part 1?

The off season is like learning to walk again. It’s like we’re a bunch of teenagers on dope sitting around on the couch shrugging to each other, “what do we do now?” I still don’t know. It’s like life has been down graded. It’s under construction. Nightly hobbies like going to that bars with your buds just aren’t what they use to be. Monthly daunting tasks, like cleaning your room, are less tolerable without Rem Dawg and Orsillo’s voices cheering you on. Life is now a re-creation of Chemistry class and you’re trying not to fall asleep.

Our car’s set radio dial for 96.7 remains untouched. And the ever popular question from your Sox baseball illiterate friend “you listen to oldies music?” is more irritating than ever. Instead of replying with, “Sox games dude,” we can’t help but blurt out, “It’s for Sox games – you idiot!”

Every year while I wait for a new basebal season, I also wait for my birthday. My birthday is April 5 and I turn 22 in April ’08. Meaning, I’ve already turned the last cool age to turn. There are no more cool ages to look forward to after 21. It’s all downhill from here. So the average adult woman’s nightmare of each birthday.. remains a joke to me. With each age, I gain a new Red Sox season. It’s as simple as that.

It’s not just the incredibly beautiful players like Lowell, Tek, Youk, Beckett, Pap, etc. that I miss being able to eye vandalize.. It’s the lack of the most beautiful game in the history of sports in my life: baseball. And without it, I feel handicapped.

The off season S#&%@